Sinfulness just isn’t something I *feel* very much. I very rarely walk around despairing of my own sinfulness. That sort of diminishes the power of grace, when you don’t feel the weight of sin.
But I was thinking today that I’d love to not feel guilty, even for a little while. I forgot to give my guest a clean pillowcase last night. Guilt. I didn’t talk to everyone as much as I wished last night. Guilt. I think I was too preachy in Sunday school today. Guilt. I’m behind in planning some things. Guilt. I complain too much. Guilt. I spent money on things I don’t actually need. Guilt. I didn’t talk to a single guest in church today. Guilt. I don’t practice my trumpet much anymore. Guilt. I haven’t talked to my parents much lately. Guilt. I’m working right now. Guilt for working. If I wasn’t working, I’d be feeling guilty for not working.
So imagine, maybe, if God’s grace for me was not about removing the weight of sin, but instead the weight of guilt. What if I could give him all my own guilt, and come off scott-free and feather light? Maybe what Augustine and Paul were talking about — the weight of that sin — maybe I *DO* feel the same thing, but I call it guilt. And maybe God would be willing to take that from me, if I asked.