Conflicting emotions

Two emotions, alike in dignity, are at war within me in this post. Pride and a desire for sympathy are at odds.

Pride: My sweet little Thane-boy is learning to sleep. Last night he was AWAKE at bed time, and spent an hour charming his father and I with his wide-eyed happy self. I finally took him to his room to let his father sleep and composed the “Thane song”. Growing up, I and my siblings had songs my parents had made up for each of us. My husband made up a song for Grey, but claimed Thane was too hard to rhyme. So I decided the Thane song was up to me. I like it. Anyway, at 11:30 he was put in his crib (awake) and I left and lo. There was no more noise until 4. That’s NEARLY sleeping through the night (where sleeping through the night = 5 hours). And then he gave me until about 7. That’s 7 hours of REM sleep.

Desire to be able to whine: I am still, of course, tired. I really need like 8.5 hours uninterrupted sleep, and Grey is NOT sleeping through the night these days. Note to Grey: it is still dark at 5:45 am. GO BACK TO SLEEP.

I have realized I am 1/3 of the way through my maternity leave. (Sniff sniff). I keep thinking that when my maternity leave REALLY starts and I’m on my own, hoo boy I’ll be in trouble. I should remember my mantra about bills: there is no such thing as a normal month. All months have unexpected expenses. To stretch the analogy, every week of my maternity leave has had unexpected help. In this case, my brother reappeared at about 10 am. He’ll be here pretty much the parts of the week my husband won’t. Another pair of grownup hands for the win. Also, it sounds like I might be able to put him up over his winter break, which will be good for another big chunk of my maternity leave.

Today’s adventure was to Barnes and Nobles. Grey and Thane both got gift certificates there from a friend of my inlaws. I figured $15 = 1 book or movie and let Grey pick his own object. For Thane I got Good Master! Sweet Ladies! by Laura Amy Schlitz. It’s a series of monologues written from the point of medieval children, and a Newbury winner. It’s not for now, but it’s a beautiful book of his very own and I will inscribe it to him — my medievally named son. I am a second child, and I know that it is important to have things that have only been yours.

Grey chose to get the movie “Homeward Bound” (I’m hoping it’s not too scary). He will also be getting Veggietales version of “The Lord of the Beans” (from us) and Curse of the Were Rabbit (from Unka Matt).

We’re having the big family dinner tonight with my aunt and uncle and brother. (Hmmmm I should review the recipe to see when I should start).

These are good days.

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Brenda currently lives in Stoneham MA, but grew up in Mineral WA. She is surrounded by men, with two sons, one husband and two boy cats. She plays trumpet at church, cans farmshare produce and works in software.

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