The Problems that Plague Us

My friends, I am tormented by a problem that plagues my days and haunts my nights! My mincing steps resound through hallowed halls in terror. I turn to Amazon for aid, but it turns its face against me – leaving me cold and solutionless in the dark night of the soul.

Stop reading now, if you be easily frightened, or squeamish.

It’s annoying to carry my phone around at work when I wear a dress/skirt

THE HORRORS!

OK, so this is actually the world’s most plebian problem. But I’ve been surprised that no enterprising entrepreneur has arisen in the vast realms of Amazon (or even Etsy!) to help me solve it. Let me explain to you, and then you can go start a vastly successful business to solve my problem, or point me in the direction of a person who has already done so.

Scene 1: Brenda’s office
(Yes, I have an actual office with an actual door now. Rumor has it we’re moving soon, so I’m not getting too attached.)
Office mate: Whither goest thou, Brenda? Dost the zephyrous breeze beckon thee to a meeting wherein thou may be’est a shadow on the wall, gleaning learnings from the sages of our new industry?
Brenda: Verily, I go first to that blessed information experience. From thence I shall proceed to the land of milk and honey, which is our cafeteria. Let me only gather those things to me which are needed! Fist, I shall take my badge, both sides of which must show at all times, which is clipped hereon to my skirt/dress. For lo, I must use my badge no fewer than four times to get from this, our workful repose, to thence where succor can be found. In all those places, this copy of my visage must be clearly visible to those around me. Then also I shall take this, my cell phone. Forsooth, I must carry it lest my steps not be tracked and I fail to meet my goal. Also, I would be foresworn if I left it in my office and it kept sounding and annoyed you and the school principal might fail to reach me to inform me of minor behavioral issues regarding my sons which in my own day wouldn’t even have made it to the principal’s office.
Office mate: Indeed, I am glad that you bring your phone of slightly annoying ringtones with you. But hark! How can you carry it! For your dress has no pockets! And it is well known that the cafeteria requires both hands for the full loading of your plate!
Brenda: Alas, alack and welladay! You speak truth! Thus are the skirts of women most annoying, in their pocketlessness. Whatever shall I do?! Woe to me, the pocketless. Watch the burden I must carry in my hands wherever I may go!

(/end scene)

The solution, of course, would be to have a little pouch that is clear so you can see my ID (and I can use it on the door) but has a little extra space for my phone. I carry the Galaxy S4 mini*, so it’s both light and small. The clip which performs so admirably for my badge would carry the extra load no problem.

I swear I’ve read every possible listing in Amazon with every key word combination. I went to Staples. I went to the Paper Store with that line of incredibly garish cloth bags of all sizes. I combed Etsy. I’ve considered alternatives. For example, a phone case that has a clear sleeve for putting my ID in (all the sleeves are opaque and colored). A case that connects to a lanyard at the top would be pretty great (maybe that you could snap in and out. I’ve ordered a bunch of stuff that isn’t quite right. My current plan is to buy a new back to the phone, attach velcro to it and the back of a badge lanyard and see if that will do the trick. (Prediction: disaster.) You can get a waterproof bag that has all the features… and comes in bright orange and screams “I’m going white water river rafting but can’t live without my cell phone.”

I have to think this is not an uncommon problem. Many women wear skirts**. Many women own phones. Surely I’m not the only one in the world who would like to be able to carry things with TWO HANDS while wearing a skirt?

So advise me, sages of the internet. How may my days of torment be ceased? Am I doomed to don trousers until the end of my days, solely for the pocketage? Is there a product out there that is ideal for my needs? How do you solve this problem, if you’ve encountered it? (Do you carry a purse with you ALL THE TIME?)

*I am able to get a new phone but just discovered to my horror that Verizon doesn’t carry the Galaxy S5 mini, which was absolutely my plan. Now I have no idea whether they’ll eventually come out with it, or if I need to get a phablet-size phone which just compounds my problem because when womens’ clothes have pockets, they’re often small.
**I would say men too, but kilts have sporans and utilikilts have pockets. Because men are smart that way.