Category: Daily living

The woes of the sinus cavity

How sick am I?
How sick am I?

On Friday, I thought about bringing the boys in to the doctor. But Thane didn’t look so bad and I’ve sort of gotten used to the Varsuuvial flows of Grey’s nose, so I didn’t. Then Thane got worse over the weekend. I figured I’d bring them in Monday. Oh yeah, President’s Day. The office was closed.

He looked a little better Monday (and/or I was in denial) so I attempted to go to work. My daycare is by far the most forgiving I’ve ever seen regarding sending kids in less than 100% healthy (note: this is a double edged sword since it goes for ALL the kids in the daycare) but even they sent Thane home with me at noon yesterday. Of course, I brought Grey home too.

Diverting for a moment from my thesis of snot, I’d just like to report that we had poop successes yesterday involving timely self-reporting. WIN!

If you know me, you know I am not a morning person. Not at all. Not even a little bit. It is telling of what a profound effect parenthood is having on me; I felt like I got to sleep in this morning when no one woke me up before 7:20 am. Then I had to wait over an hour for the doctors office to open. But blessed be! They could see us today! This morning, even!

I generally like our pediatrician. He’s a no-nonsense, no-BS sort of guy. He’s the sort who tells you what’s what and doesn’t tapdance around it. OK, most of the time I like this. But this morning, I got quite a lecture on how six weeks of snottiness is about three weeks more than I should’ve let it go. Also, that I should’ve brought Thane back in when the last round of antibiotics didn’t solve the problem. (In my mind, it meant that it wasn’t a bacterial infection.) I feel divided on this. I’ll promise you this much: my parents wouldn’t have taken me to the doctor for this. Thane is snotty. He’s really congested. He’s not running much of a fever. He’s sleeping a lot and doesn’t have a great appetite, but chances are excellent he’ll recover on his own. In my world, winter = snot. The way I was raised, the degree of sick you need to be to stay home from school was some combination of a 100 degree fever, vomiting and exciting rashes. The bar for going to the doctor was even higher — usually requiring the suspicion of a strep infection (a very common problem in our household — my sister even had her tonsil out because of it). By the standards I was raised by (successfully, I’d point out), Thane’s illness is barely worth a get-out-of-school-free pass. But yet my pediatrician was disapproving that I’d waited so long.

Then there’s the third hand, where we’re all responsible for trying to keep health costs low and not go to the doctor every time we get the sniffles. On the fourth hand, the doctor is a doctor and I am a parent and he knows more about health than I do, EVEN when I research stuff on the infallible internet.

Also, he chastised Grey for playing too forcefully with a toy. I did not feel like the world’s most competent parent. (I also thought the toy was good for it.) But Grey was really being pretty good, I thought. Cue worrying about whether I’m becoming one of those parents who doesn’t notice their child’s behavior isn’t acceptable, instead of a parent who acknowledges that there are limits to the obedience a sick 3 year old can be expected to display.

Lessee… introduction, three paragraphs support, mandatory digression… oh yea. Time for conclusion.

Thank heavens for antibiotics. Yay antibiotics! My husband comes home tomorrow. Yay husband comes home!

Postscript: On the plus side, sick babies sleep LOTS

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming

It’s always hard to return to writing after having posted something Deep and Meaningful. For example, my life today is deeply centered on poop, snot and laundry. It’s a hard come-down to go from summarizing a man’s life to poop, snot and laundry (although I suspect he would’ve been deeply sympathetic on at least the poop and snot counts).

We’re sick here at my house. Not like desperately sick. Not running fevers and throwing up sick. No, we’re snotty sick — the kind of sick that can go on for months without exciting too much comment, and you don’t realize just how not well you were feeling until you start feeling well again. I have a diagnosed secondary infection (and am on antibiotics). Thane has already had one bout of antibiotics and is now pathetically, sadly full of snot. Oh, the snot. The thing is, babies mostly breathe through their noses. And his poor, wee little nose is so clogged up, he can’t breathe. And them as can’t breathe, can’t sleep. Every hour or so his mother heartlessly tortures him with a suction device of great cruelty. His nose is bleeding from where snot-scabs had to be removed. Every breath is a snorffle of unhappiness. I have him sleeping in his swing. I do suction out his poor nose. I have the humidifier going. I attempted to torture him further, uh, help him out by irrigating his nose with saline. These are the remedies available in the 21st century, all the drugs of the 20th century having been proven not to help babies and may cause harm. Salt water and suction.

Grey is sick too. His nose is like a Hawaiian (that has far too many consecutive vowels) volcano, with overlapping floes. I’m not too worried about him. He’s discovered the joy of sleeves as stand-ins for tissues. I would argue, but it beats the couch.

We will not speak of the poop, except to say that finding the cat gift at 3 am last night elevated my poop woes to a level to which they needed not go. One grownup and four poop-producing-machines is really unfair odds.

My brother came out this weekend to help out, which was actually very helpful. He made it possible for me to sleep in. Ah, blessed sleep. How I missed you. He also kept me from feeling too lonely. I am a social creature by nature. I like people. Preferably people whose poop I’m not responsible for. But he had to go back down to Princeton this afternoon, so it’s just me and the poop-producers again. Grey is sometimes company, but he’s also started getting into things. I need to be more alert, watch him more carefully, set out clearer rules and consequences, and follow through. That sounds like work to me. I think we may play with computers tonight. That is less like work.

My husband will return to me on Wednesday. I in no way begrudge the time he is spending with his mother. There’s no more important thing for him to be doing. But I also miss him. Every time I think about how I miss him and how I miss having him around, I get all sniffly because my husband is gone for a week. My mother-in-law’s husband is gone.

The boys awaken. I think I need to bring them both to the doctor tomorrow, to see if they have drifted into secondary infections. Likely so. I can’t wait to go back to work!

Back to work!

So after three months of being a full time mom, I’m back at work. I was full of trepidation for all the past week. How will I handle work? How much has changed? How am I going to get it all done?

That last fear hasn’t actually gone anywhere — there was plenty to be done when I was home doing it full time — but my psuedo-new-job anxiety has dissipated. I’ve been working for my employer for a long time — 6.5 years by my count. I’ve done the new-baby/pumping-mother routine before. While it is all unaccustomed based on my previous 12 weeks, none of this is actually new to me. That helps.

I’m hoping to bring a fresh energy and perspective to my job. In some ways the time off wasn’t just a maternity leave, it was a sabbatical. Having someone who knows the company inside and out AND who isn’t looking at it with jaded eyes can be valuable, and I hope I use that space to propose and execute some new and exciting ideas. I’m also thinking that work-related/tech-related reading for my pumping time (instead of the Economist) is a winning idea.

Notes from the first day:
*The server room (pumping room) isn’t as cold as I remember. Thank heavens.
*I went to see Thane at lunch and feed him. It was nice to get a little snuggle break in my day, and really doesn’t take that long.
*While I skirted dehydration while I was at home, my “at work” habits involve massive amounts of liquids, both of the caffeinated and non-caffeinated variety.
*My coworker managed to keep most of the plants alive while I was gone
*They MOVED the COFFEE!!!!
*There were at one point three of us pregnant in the office. One of them wasn’t in the office today. I asked another colleague how far along she was and his reply was “Three centimeters.” Heh. I wonder if we’ll have any overlap, or if she’ll go out just as I’m coming back!

The real challenge of working will be sleep. Thane is still waking up once or twice a night. Heck, GREY is still waking up once or twice a night. If I get up with my husband (and I really need his help in the morning), that involves getting out of bed at like 6:45!!! I need to go to bed earlier. My mom gave me a great piece of wisdom, that I will share with you.

The first three minutes getting out of bed are hard. But they’re almost as hard as 10 am as they are at 7 am. Make the sacrifice early and enjoy the time.

We’ll see if you’re right, mom.

Snow day = parenting fail

As of 7 am this morning, the furnace was not working. It was 45 degrees in our bedroom. It was snowing, with a forecast to snow all day long. Our plans for the day had already been canceled.

It’s now 11:30. The furnace guy fixed our furnace.

Aside: Have you ever heard the saying “It takes money to make money?” This was a good example of that. We inherited a service contract on our furnace from the previous owners, and renewed it this fall. Basically, we spend about $200 for a furnace service and what is basically like AAA insurance. They put us to the top of their service list and any standard repairs we need come free. Most years you don’t need anything. But then in the middle of a snowstorm when your furnace isn’t working you get a guy within 3 hours and he makes your furnace work — a $400 repair — and it doesn’t cost you a red cent. If we’d attempted to save money by not doing the service contract, or if we hadn’t been able to afford it, it would’ve cost us two years worth of contract fees to make the one repair.

Grey and I are sitting next to each other at our respective laptops. He’s playing a Wa Wa Wubbsy game (and actually doing an amazing job) and I’m, well, writing to you. Thane has finally gotten his hands back after being in a snowsuit for most of the morning and is happily chewing on the “teriyaki” hand. Sleeping Beauty is on in the background. I can’t decide whether I’m being appropriately mellow, or if I’m full of parenting fail.

But don’t you remember snow days when you could rot your brain on screens and read books cover to cover and were feted with junk food and hot chocolate? Childhood is too short. I regret nothing.

Thane at three months

Thane on tummy time

I’m spending this week getting ready to go back to work. That’s involved a lot of cooking, shopping, laundry and doctors appointments. (There’s nothing wrong, I’m just cramming a year’s worth of appointments into the last week or so.) You always wonder how you are going to handle things when life is about to change. How will I deal with a baby? How will I deal with a second child? Will I go nuts at home? Will I get any sleep? How will I deal with work? Will I ever have any time to myself ever again?

I’ve learned that in general, you do manage and you do cope. But I’ve really enjoyed this time at home with my children. For the most part. Poo excepted. Still, the time is coming for me to return to work, and that’s also a good thing. I’m just making two of my most time-consuming recipes this week as a farewell (tonight: turkey).

It will be particularly difficult to leave Thane. For a quarter of a year, I have rarely gone anywhere without him. For three quarters of a year prior to that, I went nowhere without him. You would think experience would provide consolation… he’s a month older than Grey was when Grey went to daycare. He’s going to a woman I’ve known now for three years. His big brother will be there, and Grey is quite capable of watching over Thane and letting me know what goes on. Heck, I’ll still be there nursing at lunch. But oh, he’s such a joy.

I’m still struggling to decide whether Thane is a more mellow child than Grey was, or whether I am a more mellow and experienced mother. I think a little of both. Thane spends a lot of time quietly watching the tumultuous world into which he was born. He has this amazingly clear, patient gaze.

Thane is starting to gain control over his body. His hands reach out and grasp what they encounter — particularly endearing when what they encounter is your finger. He has started playing with toys. There was a remarkable day when that simply BEGAN. He reached out his hand and grabbed the beak of this colorful bird that was his Christmas present. For maybe even 20 minutes he reached his hand out to where his attention was riveted. He’s also much more active when he does move. We find him perpendicular to where he was placed in his crib. He managed to turn on the bubbler by kicking it. He rolled over again (front to back) after a month hiatus or so. He scootches across the floor.

He smiles all the time. He grows unhappy if he can’t see people, but will contentedly sit for quite a while if I remain in view. His smile is radiant, transcendent, glorious. The gummy toothless smile of a child who loves you best in the world is hard to top.

He’s a big kid. He’s well into 3 – 6 month outfits. They fit perfectly, boding ill for how long they’ll continue to fit. He’s pretty strong — he holds himself up sitting (although he lacks balance to sit by himself). His neck is very stable, and his grip impressive.

He has the auburn hair of his great-grandfather. I’ve seen pictures of my grandfather as a young man, and Thane has the exact same hair color (for what hair he has).

We are still doing very well nursing, and I have oodles of milk frozen for his journey to daycare.

Grey is an amazing big brother. I keep waiting for the resentment or impatience. Grey and I have our conflicts (over pretty much everything else), but he never ever turns his ire or impatience against his brother. (Yet.) Yesterday, the boys and I were in Thane’s room. Grey decided to spread a blanket on the floor and asked if he and Thane could have a sleepover. How delightfully imaginative! I was so impressed that he figured out a way to play with Thane that he could do! (Thane’s few skill indeed include lying on one’s back on a blanket.) Grey is incredibly careful and gentle with him, and it was wonderful to see my two boys ‘playing’ together.

It is time for me to go back to work and flex those disused muscles. I think it is a right and necessary thing. But oh. I will miss my boys.

Ah wod some powr the giftie gie us

Last night I was invited to a Bobby Burns night. Leaving my husband adequately equipped with bottles and stored milk, I hied myself to downtown Boston to partake in the adventure.

I walked in the door with my tartan tam (slightly moth-eaten) on my head, my grandmother’s silver thistle proudly on the side. I carried a heavy cast iron dutch oven full of corned beef hash (an old family recipe), along with the inevitable cottage cheese and french bread. I met many new people and told them all about my clan name, history and crest (they were very patient). I explained that the hash was from a recipe that had likely come over on a boat with my great-grandparents. I talked about just what rapscallions my ancestors were. I sang or lead singing for “My Love is like a Red, Red Rose”, and “The Rape of Glencoe” and “The Skye Boat Song” (I totally forgot the first TWO verses!) I joined in other songs. I heard poems — new ones and old favorites.

There are parts of one’s history and background that remain dormant for long stretches of time. My Scottish heritage just doesn’t come up often anymore. I mean, my last name is now IRISH! (The horrors!) It was remarkably refreshing to uncover this particular aspect of who I am!

Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my concentration the most

I’ve started this post about 12 times — not because I have something incredibly delicate or important to say, but because each post has gotten to about the second paragraph and petered out into incoherence. I think I’m starting to show mental symptoms due to the social isolation, interrupted sleep, insufficient mental stimulation (I am coming to believe I have a high need for mental stimulation), and overdose of quality time with my kids.

My mom said that these last few weeks of maternity leave would propel me back into the workforce with a right good will. I think she’s right. I am a perfectly adequate full time mother. But I don’t think it’s where I’m best suited.

Here are some of the disjointed truths that have emerged:

1) Thane has the auburn hair of his great-grandfather Virgil. I saw it in the sunlight this morning and was awed by the realization. There is a hand-tinted wedding picture of my grandparents, shortly after the end of WWII. Thane’s hair is just that color.

2) Grey’s vocabulary has exploded while being at home with me. I’m pretty sure that the extensive time we’ve spent together has just pushed that forward, not made it happen at all. He’s started listening to the radio when I have it on and asking me questions. “What’s “stand up for” mean? What’s a “podcast”? Why are they saying “dangerous”?” You try to explain Hilary Clinton’s Senate testimony, the intricacies of new media, and a discussion of Guantanamo to a three year old.

3) I had been thinking that Grey wasn’t really doing the three year old “why” thing to the level I expected. To some extent, that’s actually true. But then I realized that he often asks “what” when he means “why”. He’s using many more words than three months ago, but not all of them correctly.

4) I would rather be on maternity leave in, say, July. The house is clausterphobic (and cold) in 10 degree weather.

5) I am starting to be concerned about how much sleep I’m needing. I go to sleep with my husband, and wake up 2 to 3 hours after he does. I’m still tired and have trouble concentrating throughout the day. Not all of that can be blamed upon my moonlight wakings. Am I secretly depressed? Do I have mono? Am I paying back a serious sleep debt? Am I opportunistic? Might it be related to the calorie restriction of my diet?

6) Speaking of diet, I lost about 5 pounds last week. I’m debating whether that’s a fluke (water weight, etc.), a problem, or a really effective diet. Part of me is excited about prepregnancy weight in a month. Part of me thinks this is a bad idea.

7) I’m not a very good disciplinarian when I have to do it full time, all the time.

8) Thank heaven for books. As they have been through my life, they’ve been my escape and sanity. I hate it when I remember my dreams and they’re boring.

9) My husband and I have an actual date on Friday, with a babysitter and all. We’re going DANCING. In 0 degree weather. Isn’t insanity grand?

10) Grey begs for a Ninetendo DS several times a day. Both Jordan and Pablito at daycare have one (brothers) and they don’t share. I have no idea what to do. Make it a potty training reward? Buy one for our planned July 4th trip to DC? Resist peer pressure and prove that begging has no effect? We are entering the next stage of parenting with him, and I, for one, am not ready.

11) I have fewer friends than I thought I did. Or rather, I have many fewer people who I can see in real life than I thought — especially on short notice. I know I am socially isolated. It’s not good for me. Compounding that is that I’m not online as often as usual (one of my typical sources of socialization) and that I really, truly have trouble getting out. I’m still nursing Thane like every 2 hours during the day, and every 4 at night. I miss getting to hang out with real live people and chat. On the flip side, I feel depressed by the realization I have little to talk about but parenting and my latest adventure into novels.

12) I’m making good progress on the whole “back” issue. I have an appointment set up with the Spine Center associated with the big health services conglomerate in the area to Figure Out What’s Wrong. I’m guessing that I’ll get some imaging and physical therapy — that sounds just right for me. I also have my first general physical in years scheduled. I have done my pap smear with my midwife for the last several years. I don’t even remember when my last true physical was.

13) I tried acupuncture this week, in my big push to Get Out of the House. It was interesting. Most profoundly, the room was nice and warm and dark and quiet. Mmmmmm…. warmanddarkandquiet. The acupuncturist said I was the healthiest person she’d seen all day. I do better when I don’t have work stress — at least physically.

14) It has been fascinating to see separate parts of my life merge on Facebook. My high school English teacher, my Sunday School kids, friends from my high school youth symphony (mostly the strings — where are the winds?!), a coworker, my long-term friends, my mom… I usually think that I have one self and that self is presented to the whole world. While not untrue, there is a bit of vertigo that comes from having your social circles collide.

15) I miss writing, but feel like I have both little to say and insufficient time in which to say it. Perhaps it is not so much time which is missing, but concentration. Even in bullets, I’m having trouble.

16) I have only a fortnight to go. I have no idea how everything that needs doing will get done when I go back to work. I take it on faith that it will.

The gift my youngest has given me

After I had Grey, I had a tough time losing the weight. Despite nursing, it didn’t just “melt off”. It settled in for the long haul.

After a Fourth of July when I saw a picture of myself in a bathing suit, I decided that I must have an issue with my thyroid or something. I knew any doctor I approached would ask me about diet and exercise. Of course I eat a reasonable diet and exercise regularly! That couldn’t be it! But they’d want, you know, facts of something.

So I found a website, Sparkpeople.com, that helps you measure calories and exercise. For a lark I entered how much weight I wanted to lose in what amount of time. The site told me what I needed to accomplish that: namely eat 1200 – 1500 calories a day and exercise for another 500 calories worth a week (a combination of strength and cardio training). I tracked my calories for a day, not actually intending to change what I ate, until I saw how the calories added up. 

I tried their recommendations for a week, and discovered I’d lost a pound or two.

And then I discovered that every week I followed the calorie and exercise guidelines, I lost a pound or two.

It took me just about three months to get back to my prepregnancy weight. It turns out iron willpower is good for something: namely for sticking with a 1200 – 1500 calorie a day diet and exercise plan. It helped that I had some internal goals around other nutrients that kept me interested. For example, my “normal” diet includes about 17 grams of fiber. My recommended fiber intake is 25 grams. I never make it, but it’s kind of fun to try.

Once I had the pregnancy weight off, I didn’t have to work very hard to keep it off. I had developed a much better understanding of what foods sink you and what foods don’t. For example, the decadent feeling 220 calories for a pack of Oreos is equivalent to two barely noticed glasses of milk. The milk is more nutritious, but I’d simply never realized how quickly something like drinking milk could add up. I tweaked my favorite drink at Starbucks so it would be only about 30% more calories than an equivalent glass of milk (the primary source of calories in it). I ate more fruits and vegetables. I paid more attention to what I ate. I didn’t go crazy — it’s not as though cake never crossed my lips in that time. No food is forbidden, it just needs to be accounted for. And even the annoyance factor of having to enter the foods helped me resist.

The two miscarriages I had actually added a few pounds (I was in no mood to work to remove weight from them). And Thane graced me with slightly more weight than Grey had.

Now, I’m not crazy. I’m also a nursing mother. As I understand it, Thane gets first dibs on my calories — my body will starve itself to provide for him. I still need to make sure I eat enough to feed us both and NOT starve myself.

I actually find it really encouraging that I have done this before. Were it not for the pregnancies, I truly believe I would’ve kept off most of that weight. I would like to weigh the same when I’m 40 and 50 and 60, instead of starting off higher and adding on the 2 – 3 pounds a year that is normal. I believe I can do it in a healthy way.

I know there are people who cannot calorie restrict healthily. I think I’ve shown that’s not my case. I know there are people who have medical or genetic considerations that make it difficult for them to lose weight. That is also not the case. I know that yo-yo dieting is counterproductive. I do not think that this is a yo-yo diet, although pregnancy sort of makes that a fuzzy issue. I have also made sure that I have enough clothes to feel good about myself at the weight I am, not the weight I want to be. It’s hard to exercise when you don’t like your body.

But I’m ready to start trying.

Wrapping up the unwrapping

I have trouble finding online time when I need to take care of both boys (and not at work). Finding it while my parents were here and wacky hijinks were ensuing? Not so much.

To sum up:
*Christmas was really wonderful. I got an embarrassing proportion of the goodies.
*The after-Christmas clothes shopping was amazing. I got, uh, 4 really nice-looking sweaters (in a nice, washable fabric), 3 jeans that fit the me I am right now, a really nice skirt, a sporty (but cold) shirt, and three pairs of fun tights for much, much less money than you’d expect.
*I have now finally been to Cape Cod — all the way to P-town. I am happy to report that it’s cold. And windy.
*The living room has been repainted. It looks much better, but I’m no longer convinced it was the right color of cream. Also, the ceiling really needs to be redone, I think.
*And what goes better in a newly repainted living room than a SWEET big-screen tv, with a bonus $250 unexpected rebate due to my previous switch to Comcast? (FTW!)
*Thane is the sweetest, most kissable, best-sleeping baby in the world.
*Grey is like a barrel o’ monkeys — tons of fun with an astonishing amount of energy.
*I’m really a good cook. All the meals I made came out well, and I made a lot of tasty meals.
*I really like Avatar. It’s nice to have a tv show I’m enjoying watching with la famiglia.
*I will miss my family greatly. Sniff sniff. Imagine having to do my own dishes? And whole hours will pass without puns!
*On the other hand, it is sort of nice to have some quiet. That was in short supply with the number of adults extant more than doubled.

I’m a happy woman.