Sickness and health

My husband’s father has been sick for about 4 years now. I think it was roughly 4 years this month that he was diagnosed with stomach cancer. He had surgery and radiation treatment. They believe they got all the cancer.

Unfortunately, they also got the parts of his digestive system that process food.

You might have noticed that food is a rather important part of being alive and healthy.

Mike nearly died around the time Grey was born.

Over the next three years he has swung up and down. During the good times he was nearly back to fighting fit — maybe 120 pounds with energy. He went camping and fishing and played with his grandsons.

During the bad times, his weight drops under 100 pounds. (Note: he’s built roughly along the same lines as my husband — maybe broader in the shoulder — and weighs 30 – 50 pounds less.)

When he gets sick, and none of us have figured out what makes that happen, he can’t eat. What he tries to eat, he throws up, or comes through undigested. (Yeah, it’s fun to live through too.) His weight drops. He gets weak. He gets confused. The doctors haven’t been helpful. Then he’ll try something new. (Dear God, what have they not tried? They’ve tried enzymes and acupuncture and careful diets and chinese herbs.) And then he’ll get better. He’ll gain weight. His energy will return. He’ll sleep better. And that will last for a while and then he’ll get worse again.

But the betters never quite get back to all the way good. He has no reserves of energy, fat, strength, nutrients. He is incredibly vulnerable to anything. And right now, he is on a very low low.

They are putting him in the hospital today. My mother in law is the most positive, cheerful, strong person you’ll ever meet. She bounces back if she ever falls, and she rarely falls. She was in tears this morning. She is exhausted by worry and nursing. Four years of this would wear anyone down. It’s amazing she doesn’t lose hope of a regular life with him. But today her energy is spent, too.

I hope, of course, that this is just one more spin of the yo-yo. That in a couple days he’ll find some new food he can eat. (Fried calamari! It has 9 grams of protein! You never know what the food du jour is. For a while it was eggs poached in vinegar.) That he’ll have time yet to teach his grandsons to spit and curse.

But I’m afraid. I’m working on seeing if I can get my husband tickets down to be with his mother and father. I love my father in law. There isn’t anything left unsaid between us all, but you can never get enough time with the people you love.