I am categorically incapable of figuring out how sick/injured I am. I hate it. Unless you’re running a fever, it’s so…. subjective. I mean, I have quite a high pain tolerance. I gave birth without so much as Motrin twice. (Witnesses claim I whined a bit towards the end of the second time, but what do they know?) I also apparently find my own motives hiiiiighly suspect. I must, in my heart of hearts, think I’m a lazy piker who’s totally overselling this hurt thing to get sympathy.
So when people ask me how I’m doing (or what happened to you) my knee-jerk reaction is to make a joke or a light comment out of it. Deflect. I don’t have the data to back up any assertion I might make.
How am I doing? Well, yesterday I used — and needed — crutches. I discovered I have a lot of upper body strengthening I need to do. (See there? Deflection.) Yesterday I found the walk between desk and car appallingly difficult. Yesterday I was mentally shaky and foggy – I’m still not sure why.
Today is better. I got a good night’s sleep. I stayed off my leg all afternoon and evening yesterday (except putting the boys to bed). I iced it and elevated it. This morning when I got up, it felt noticeably better. But as one of my colleagues reminded me this morning, healing from these kinds of injuries is not linear. By 3 pm today I felt completely worn down, sore, swollen all over. That’s actually been one of the harder parts – my entire body seems swollen and bloated, possibly from lack of accustomed movement, or maybe a side effect of the medications I’ve been taking.
I have an appointment with an Orthopedic surgeon on Thursday. The office is so close to my house, I could walk it. One block. It will feel completely lame-o to drive. I presume the dr. will do a cursory examination and then order an MRI. Another few days for that, and then I’ll finally have some facts. (Of course, if the facts indicate it shouldn’t be that bad, I’ll feel silly.)
I also totally need a better story about my injury. This one takes too long. “I jumped off a four foot wall” is sort of odd unless you get ALL the backstory behind it, which is jut tedious. No one seems to be buying the “ambush attack by kung fu ninjas” version, either. Darn it all.
So that’s where I am: wishing I had actual data to quantify my injury/pain, feeling somewhat better, trying hard not to push it, going to the doctor on Thursday.
My Truant Pen 
I sprained the arch of my foot jumping out of the back of a semi. Injury stories are never going to sound reasonable.
Just come up with more details for the ninja story.
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I have to agree: Details are key. For example, the ninjas can’t just be ninja-ninjas. They need to be Ninjas from the Wrong Side of the Tracks, or perhaps Ninjas Who Notched Their Ninja…Belts? Each Time They Attacked Someone. There also should be a dragon and possibly something an especially nefarious leprechaun. Obviously.
Heal soon. Hope Thursday’s consult answers a lot of questions.
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I live in a world of skeptics and I doubt even your ability to convince the masses of the Ninja story. Truth, the truth is stranger than fiction here.
I would focus on the 4 foot wall story. Retrieving the only baseball of a poor little boy who was trapped in his little backyard by a high fence. There could be tears and the raspberry bushes could grow quite a bit and get thorns on them. Gully — you could use the word gully to describe the bottom of the 4 foot drop. And you could measure it in centimeters — which would greatly increase the drama. Then a tiny shrug and a mention of an old skiining injury …
I wonder why we require proof of being sick? Remember Ogden Nash
There is nothing duller
Than feeling unspecifically off-color.
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