Just pray to Jesus!

A few vignettes on my oldest.

Last night was gaming night. Usually, Grey doesn’t get to watch tv on daycare nights, but an exception is made when we’re gaming. (Tangent: Last night a cleric with zero combat ability managed to throw a rock, hit, and get past the soak of an unwise wizard. Booyah! Learn the lesson, kids. Never leave your shield grogs at home.) He wanted to watch “Planet Earth: Caves”. Now you might THINK that there is nothing wrong with a nature show. But that is because you have never witnessed the vast guano heap alive with beetles. So one of our fellow gamers very reasonably requested that this not be on the tv while she ate her dinner. I explained that she thought it was scary and he should watch something else. He went up to her, very seriously, and solicitously explained to her that she should pray to Jesus so she wouldn’t be scared.

She nearly fell off her chair. See, she’s in the middle of her PhD in Religion and culture and is in the throes of finals. She just took a 24 hour test that involved having read, remembered and synthesized about 80 books. She has another next week with about 70 OTHER books. I think Grey’s comment overloaded already taxed circuits. It was pretty funny.

It was also nice to see Grey problem solve that way. Instead of yelling, or pitching fits or any of the other things a thwarted, hungry, tired kid might do, he tried to give someone else the tools to deal with their fear so he could watch something scary. I thought it was a pretty good solution, as three year old tools go.

I had been having one of those meals where you don’t actually get to, you know, sit and eat. Between negotiating television with Grey, supervising the requisite bites of chicken, rice and green beans, making sure everything was on the table, and then putting an exhausted, fussy Thane to bed it felt like I hadn’t sat at all. Then Grey asked for salt and pepper for his pizza (dinner #2 after a polite feint at dinner #1). I put my head on the table in mock/not-so-mock exasperation.

Then Grey put his arms around me, patted me on the back and said, “It’s ok mommy.”

It is a wonderful and amazing thing to watch your child develop empathy and kindness, and then turn those skills upon you. I’ve watched Grey be wonderful (and terrible) to other people, but when he is intentionally kind TO ME it’s a truly amazing feeling.

Grey has largely been in an awesome spot, lately. (Well, except that he doesn’t reliably sleep as well during the lighter summer months.) The other day he sat at the table with his father and brother. He started playing with Thane, softly calling his name: “Dane! Dane!” He made his brother laugh. Then his face got soft, and he said, “I love you, Dane.” Thane smiled back at his beloved older brother. And it was good.

Hello, I’d like to speak to my publicist

Get my publicist on the phone, stat!
Get my publicist on the phone, stat!

This weekend was, as you may have noticed, Easter. Holy Week is always one of my big weeks of the year. Last week I went to church 5 of 8 days: Palm Sunday, session on Tuesday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and then Easter Sunday. A fellow session member turned to me on Good Friday and said, “I think I might live here now.” I think she might be right. In other news, for the first time in my 8 years doing it, the light on the parking lot stayed on throughout Good Friday services.

My mom just gave me permanent dye
My mom just gave me permanent dye

But Easter is usually a big service for me because I’m usually playing trumpet. For once, I picked a good combination of relatively easy trumpet pieces, practiced them ahead of time and rehearsed them adequately. (See also: Palm Sunday, Maundy Thursday and Good Friday) But between playing the prelude and postlude, singing in the choir for the anthem and the Benediction Response (Hallelujah Chorus), doing the session-leader bit for welcoming new members (YAY new members!) and playing with the hymns, it was not even remotely possible for me to take care of my children for the service. This usually falls to my patient husband.

Then my patient husband got conscripted to be head usher and wander around in a vain attempt to count all the people in the church. (We kept moving. This was not very fair of us.) Errr…. Happily one of my friends took custody of my kids for the whole service. She did a better job of keeping Thane quiet and happy than I do!

I posted some church pictures to Facebook — I’m hoping they’re viewable even if you’re not signed in.

In other news, I’m interviewing preschools for Grey for the fall. I really wish I felt more like I knew what I was doing instead of being a big fat imposterer. “Dear preschools. My son is really smart, but he needs to learn stuff. Please take him. kthxbye.” Happily, a side effect of parenting has been an increased tolerance for realizing I have no clue what I’m doing.

I found one preschool that I think will be ok. I want Grey to go part day to preschool and part day to daycare. That’s concern one — along with transportation. Concern two is which class to put him in — do we make him the oldest of the young kids or the youngest of the old kids? And if we do the youngest of the old kids, do we have him repeat Kindergarten twice? Once in private preschool and once in public? Do I attempt to enroll him in public schools early? (Darn October birthdays!) Basically, is there one or two years before he starts Kindergarten? I think two, which argues for the earlier preschool class.

Bah. Do other people fret as much as I do about this kind of decision? This is the kind of decision I make and remake for years. (I’m still wondering whether we should’ve bought the house, for example.)

All this is really just a preamble to what I KNOW y’all really want — pictures. Herein please find a slightly more balanced representation of my oldest and my youngest. You get to see my mother-in-law and friends, Easter pictures, an unseasonably early trip to the Middlesex Fells reservation, and actual pictures of my husband and I! Shocking! I also fixed the video links (I think — I didn’t, you know, test) for last month.

Enjoy!

What? It looked tasty!
What? It looked tasty!

http://tiltedworld.com/brenda/pictures/April2009

Amendments to the parenting manual

I am going to write a book called “The Common Mythology of Parenting”. In it, I will lay out what lies stories we should tell about our holidays so we can all be on the same page.

It’s like this. Saturday night I was lying in bed. I turned to my husband and said, “It doesn’t make sense. It just doesn’t hold together!”

He replied*, “Yeah, the nest of hydras should definitely be after the spike trap. Good thinking.”

“What,” warming to my argument “Does the Easter bunny have to do with the Easter eggs? We dye them, then what part does the bunny play? And how do the eggs equal the candy? Does it blow our cover if we put Easter eggs he dyed into the Easter basket? Or should he have to hunt for them? And Grey wants a DS for Easter — someone needs to explain to him that the Easter Bunny works on a more constrained budget than Santa does. And then there’s the confusing fact that “die” and “dye” are homonyms. And how does this all tie in to, you know, the Jesus parts of Easter?”

He carefully mulled my words. “Do you think a party would think to use a chime of opening if they came to a dead end?”

I had never realized how poorly constructed the common mythology of Easter is. I’m all up on the theology of Easter. I can talk until I’m blue in the face about the meaning of Jesus betrayal, death and resurrection. Ask me about the Road to Emmaus or doubting Thomas and I’m good. But give me one good explanation for the Easter Bunny that doesn’t use the words “Pagan fertility ritual” and is appropriate for a three year old sensibility while encompassing candy, Easter eggs and why you’re not getting a DS.

Christmas is much better thought out. Thanks to “The Night Before Christmas” and the Coca-Cola Corporation, we know a lot about Santa — from what he looks like down to the names of his reindeer. There’s a plausible, if weak, connection between Santa and the birth of Christ. “Um, we give each other presents because the Wise Men gave Jesus presents.” Well, ok everything but the Christmas tree holds together. But there’s no good mythology of Easter.

Wouldn’t it be a great service if there was a chapter in our Parenting Manual of commonly agreed upon lies that we should all tell at Easter (and similar holidays)? That way we’d know what not to tell the three year old friends who come over to visit, “Oh, the Easter bunny dyed your eggs for you?” and we wouldn’t have to get quite so creative.

Think about it, publishers. There’s a market out here.

Next up: explaining why you shouldn’t be afraid of fireworks set of to commemorate a bloody war of independence.

*OK, so this conversation didn’t actually happen this way. I’m making up his parts of it entirely. It’s funnier this way, though.

The slog

I haven’t been writing much lately because I really don’t feel like I have much to say — at least not much that others would find very interesting. My work life has been worky in a not-very-interesting-to-chat-about way. The boys are great, but I am not finding new and interesting ways to tell you how great they are. Church has been extremely consuming (web projects, Session, membership committee, trumpet for holy week, etc. — I’m at church 4 of 8 days this week), but again not in an interesting to talk about way.

I’m falling behind in most of my chores, so any night I have that isn’t devoted to kids, church or falling into a gelatinous goo is dedicated to laundry, bills or dishes. My husband was gone all last weekend, so that put me even further behind.

And then this morning, Grey goes and gets sick. The nerve of some kids, I tell you. Actually, I’m having trouble figuring out when he started getting sick. He threw up Monday (all over the car), but he throws up all the time. Then he threw up last night at midnight — more unusual. Then twice this morning as I was getting ready to go to work. Yeah, not so much with the going to work. I have a high tolerance for him throwing up, but he’s keeping nothing at all down.

Um, on the plus side, he gets himself to an appropriate receptacle before throwing up? I came downstairs this morning to find out he’d thrown up …. because he told me so. Not because it was all over everything. This is a true, unmitigated blessing. Also, he has diahhrea (I think I’ll just add hs and rs to that until something gives — it’s on the list of words I simply can’t spell and don’t even try to anymore. I can’t even get it close enough for spelling suggestions.)

Thane is constipated and has had a stuffy nose for about three weeks now.

I have a doctor’s appointment at three (aka in the middle of nap time). Guess which of the above conditions merits that? The not-bothering-anyone stuffed up nose. Medicine is weird.

Basically? I have the blahs. I feel like at work I’ve tipped over the edge from experience to cynicism. I’ve decided that experience gives you ideas about how you should attack a problem. Cynicism is when you don’t even bother to attack it because it’s just going to fail again. I do not wish to by cynical. At home, I’m behind and falling behinder. My boys are sick. I’m probably a little sick too but neglecting myself too much to notice.

Ah well. I hope that Holy Week helps me kick it. And spring. I have daffodils and crocuses blooming. The grass is greening. The willows are yellowing and there are thick red bud-clusters on most of the trees. It’s over 50 and sunny today (a sure sign I’m not stepping outside with the plague-ridden).

Baseball is on for real. We got a new big HD tv in December at Circuit City right before they went bankrupt. (It was an amazingly good price when combined with some discounts from Comcast for switching to their service.) I’d been really looking forward to seeing baseball on it. Fenway has almost entirely HD cameras and oh my goodness. Last night’s was an ugly game but I hardly noticed because the image was so beautiful! It seemed more real than reality!

This will pass. I’ll catch up, slide back down to mere experience, get a few good night’s sleeps and start thinking interesting thoughts again.

The news is dead. Long live the news!

I think it is fair to say that once this financial crisis is done, the landscape of America (and the world) will be different. Venerable institutions will have disappeared. New upstart companies will have taken advantage of the tumult to move into markets. Some things that used to happen will permanently be gone. Some new things will have taken their places. The world will be different tomorrow than it was yesterday.

I was thinking yesterday about two of the industries currently in upheaval — the car companies and the newspapers. I was reading this article about how the newspapers that were going under were the ones whose owners had attempted to extract cash from them or who had leveraged them heavily.

When a car company goes bankrupt (or an airplane manufacturer), it pretty much means that there is one fewer car company in the world and likely always will be. The capital requirements for building cars is monumental — all the factories and parts suppliers and designs and dealerships. It would take a mammoth infusion of capital to even produce one car and sell it at one dealership — maybe a billion dollars to start up, even on a small scale. So if a manufacturer disappears, the only way we’ll get new companies is if existing companies with that infrastructure splinter, or someone takes over the remnants of the old one.

But newspapers? As far as I know, newspapers require three things to run them:
1) People to learn the news and write it up (reporters)
2) People to edit that news, check it and hold the reporters to standards (editors — this is where a newspaper is not equal to a bunch of amateur bloggers collating their reports)
3) A way of disseminating the news. That could be a print edition or a web edition.

Um, on the face of it, it requires about as much as an internet startup does. Talented people willing to spend their time for equity, and with experience in the business could start a newspaper from scratch, I believe. Where am I wrong in this equation?

There are lots of printers to whom they could outsource a print run, but I have a sneaking suspicion that paper newspapers might indeed die off in this period, to be replaced by digital versions. (NOTE: The Boston Globe provides me a tremendous service and gives me lots of my news. For free. Online. If I want to give them my money, I have to sign up for their dead trees. I do not want dead trees. So I don’t give them my money.)

There is, of course, still the issue of the revenue model. But could current revenue models work if the newspapers didn’t have to pull the weight of previous debt? Is the problem that these companies can’t honor prior commitments and make a profit today?

So my thesis, to boil it down, is that existing newspapers may go belly up en masse. But the news function of newspapers will move to a new online model which will run partially by subscription and new information companies will arise to replace the old newspapers. I believe that some of the sea changes we are witnessing will include requiring people to pay for content they now expect to be free (online news) and a return to the idea that a company can employ people and throw off a modest profit — and not need to make investors wildly wealthy. I think more people (like my imagined news entrepreneurs) will value a good, enjoyable job that will pay the bills, without needing a promise of vast pelf in order to spend their time in the endeavor.

10 reasons today sucks

So during Lent I’ve been working really hard to look at the good side of things — to pursue the positive and let the negative I can’t change wash past me.

Well, I’m all out of Pollyanna today.

Top 10 reasons today sucks:
10. The laundry and dishes aren’t done.
9. I forgot my iPod at home.
8. Another coworkers returned from maternity leave so now I have to share the pumping room.
7. The pumping room is also the server room. It has a beeping server today and probably will for some time. (They’re working on it.)
6. It’s supposed to rain all day.
5. I had to walk a mile in “office shoes” to get to work this morning. It made me late to work.
4. I don’t see a day on this week’s schedule when I can spend quality time with my husband. We’re also both completely wiped out.
3. Thane keeps crying bitterly and I can’t figure out why or make it better
2. The Red Sox have already postponed today’s home opener
1. Vomit all over my car — the champion’s way to start the day!

PS – If you’re here because you had a terrible day, you might consider reading Gives Me Hope to feel better!

If only…

If there was one skill or attribute I most wish I had, it would be the ability to design as though I’m not a developer who never progressed past fourth grade stick figures. I always wanted to be able to draw. I even took one (1) art lesson when I was a girl. I’m absolutely terrible at it.

Happily, I’m not often called upon to draw in real life. To create websites that don’t look like escapees from 1996, on the other hand… urgh. Not only am I terrible at designing decent pages, I know it. I have visions for what kind of impression I want, ideas of sites I like. I’ve read books on design and navigation. I KNOW what I want to accomplish. But I’ll be darned if I can actually pull it off.

So now I’m looking at the church website. (http://burlingtonpres.org). It was one of my better designs. Seven years ago. AKA a friggin century in internet time. It needs to be redone. I know what I’d like to do with it. Now ask me if I think I can actually implement what I want? Ha!

My only consolation is that it is much, much better than many other church websites, which are often done by amateurs. I may be an amateur designer, but at least I do websites professionally.

Bah. I’m half tempted to do the whole thing through WordPress. So far the only downside I’m really seeing is that I just paid for another year’s webhosting. Also, I think I’d like a professional design. I wonder if I could talk Presbytery into funding it with the “fax” funds they mentioned last meeting. Hmmmmmm…..

Ok. Back to the actual work of the site!

April Fools Day

One April 1st I got a great one off on my friends. I was early in my pregnancy with my first child and was exuberantly sharing all those sorts of details pregnant women think other people find interesting. Then on April 1st I wrote about a doctors visit where to my great shock, I’d had an ultrasound that showed a second baby hiding behind the first! A Beta behind my Alpha!

I got ’em but good. Everyone bought it, hook, line and sinker. My sister called up SO EXCITED! My friends told me about their experiences with twins, offered to connect me with parents of twins they knew and talked about appropriate naming conventions for twins.

It was one of my finer moments.

Sadly, they’re now all on to me. I could say, “I had Cheerios for breakfast” and on April 1st they’d probably quirk a skeptical eyebrow. Actually, last year I thought of delaying announcing my pregnancy until the first of April and make a real announcement when they would expect a fake announcement and then wouldn’t THAT confuse ’em. But I couldn’t wait that long. (Actually, one of my coworkers did that exact thing today! Yay babies! My poor boss!)

My mom tells a story about how badly April Fools translated to Zaire. She and dad were at the hospital (?) and my sister was at home. A woman rushed up to them and told them that she’d been bitten by a venomous snake (a real danger). The woman kept the “hoax” going as long as she could, and for a terrible bit of time my parents thought my sister dead or dying of snakebite. The “April Fools” wasn’t so funny that time.

Two of my favorite hoaxes this year:
Gmail unveils a new tool (I assume)
An awesome new sleeping bag for the Star Wars afficionado (actually, this looks AWESOME – but the lack of a real warehouse is a bit of a tell)
Qualified new leadership for GM (this actually isn’t a bad idea….)

What about you? What’s the best hoax you’ve pulled off? What’s the best one you’ve had pulled on you? What’s the worst hoax you’ve encountered?

Thane at five months

Is that daddy singing You Are My Dear?

On Saturday my little, itty, bitty, tiny baby turned five months old. Ok, he was little itty bitty and tiny for a while. You know, two or three weeks after he was born. Now he’s more big, bouncy and bonny!

Last week was not my best week ever for sleep. See, Thane has mastered the art of turning from back to front. “What” you ask “Does that have to do with sleep?” Well, see, it’s like this. Thane can turn over back to front, and front to back. This means he can now put together a chain of rollingoverage and actually roll across the room if you let him. “Still not relevant to sleeping!” you so rightly point out. Ok, Thane CAN roll over. What he cannot do is roll over intentionally to go somewhere he wants to go and do something he wants to do. He also (this is key) cannot roll over in both directions — he only rolls to his right. So what would happen is I would put him down — face up — in his crib. He would promptly roll over in such a way that his arm was sticking through the slats of the crib and he was totally uncomfortable. What do you do in those circumstances? Right. You call on mom to come rescue you.

The degree to which mom is patient about this is directly related to
a) whether it is currently 4 am
b) whether you did the same thing at 3 am
c) also 2 am

It seems to have improved in the last night or two. He’s promptly rolled over onto his belly and started snoozing. I’m not happy with this as it regards SIDS, but have lost the ability to control exactly where my child is when he’s not strapped in.

That, by itself, is a milestone.

In additional to rolling over like a wheel, Thane is attempting to crawl. Happily, he’s not successful yet. But he gets himself up on his hands and moves those feet for all he’s worth. Once he gets his butt up in the air, he’s going to be unstoppable.

He’s also at the very edge of sitting. If you put a toy in front of him, he can sit quite nicely, although he lacks the wisdom not to throw himself back or to the side. He has the strength for it, but I always have to create this cage of my hands so that I can catch him when he makes an errant move. I think he might have only a week or two until he starts sitting unsupported. He can actually sit himself up, too. Not all the way from lying down, but I’ve caught him sitting up straighter than intended in both his swing and his car seat.

I’m trying very hard not to think of how much babyproofing needs to be done when he gets mobile. I’ve blocked that stage out of my memory. It’s not the grownup stuff that’s the problem, it’s Grey’s 1000001 toys — the Matchbox cars and small green frogs and D20s that are strewn through the house. La la la! I’ll deal with that once it comes to pass….

Thane is doing pretty well on solids. When hungry, he’s a terrific eater. Nom nom nom. There is no problem getting the food INTO him. Getting the food OUT of him, well, that is still a work in progress. I’m keen on the solids, because he’s started to get harder to nurse. If there is any distraction at all, whatsoever, he is always interrupting his nursing to turn his head and look. I would object less if he, uh, opened his mouth before turning. Thane is even more distractable than Grey was at that age. He’ll look out a window 20 times instead of settling to nurse. He still dislikes noises that even approach loud, and will shoot me a reproving look if I talk at all while nursing.

He is, as I mentioned, big. His thighs are like ham-hocks, both in how they look and in how delicious they look. He’s quite tall, especially in the waist. I think (no drs. visit this month) that he may have passed the 17 pound mark. He’s into 6 – 9 month clothes, and wearing size 3 Pampers.

Thane has hit the “grab everything” phase. This is the time of life where you start wearing contacts, eschew dangly earrings and cut your hair. He’ll make a grab for your pizza, the spoon you’re attempting to feed him with, his brother’s toy, pretty much anything within arm’s reach. He plays quite nicely with his toys, which he’ll hold for a quite a while before tossing them away. We are entering the “throw the toy away and then cry because you don’t have the toy” phase, although I actually haven’t seen Thane upset because a toy was “removed” from him yet.

The best parts of Thane, however, are not necessarily his kissable head or squirmy little body. The best part of Thane is his brilliant, wonderful, joyous gummy smile. He is the smiliest baby, especially in the mornings. He is just SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU and SO DELIGHTED THAT YOU ARE CHANGING HIS DIAPER! He also loves to talk to you, making all sorts of silly baby sounds. He’ll talk to himself, happily, for quite a while in his crib when he wakes up. He is beautifully good-natured, most of the time, and loves to be in the middle of the action. When his father sings “You are my dear, my darling one” he will often interrupt even epic weeping to smile in appreciation for his dad. Thane has been a bit more fussy lately, but I think much of that has to do with a combination of digestive and sleep issues, which are hopefully resolving themselves. But even a fussy Thane is a really fun kid to have around.

In additional good news, I’m starting to see the benefits of having two. Grey is a very, very helpful big brother. He’s still extremely affectionate, often surprising us with some gentle and loving thing he wants to do for his brother. He gets upset when Thane cries (like in the car) and demands I make him happier. He gladly returns thrown toys to his brother. Yesterday there was this great moment while I was cooking and Grey was dancing for Thane and making him laugh. Grey calls him “Dane”. I hadn’t realized how hard the “th” sound was for the kids to hear and say. He also says ‘nank you’ — I don’t know if he even realizes he’s saying it incorrectly? Anyway, Dane isn’t a bad nickname either, if that’s what the other kids end up calling him. Although if he ends up being as tall and strong as he appears, the appellation “great” will surely be added.

It’s such a happy time with Thane. I’m finding his babyhood passing even faster than Grey’s did. With Grey I was always so eager for him to be hitting milestones early, etc. With Thane, I wouldn’t have minded a more deliberate tempo. I don’t really want him crawling by 6 months, or walking by 9. I wouldn’t mind having a sweet, snuggling baby for just a little longer. But he outpaces me. Babyhood is so fleeting, and he is diving headfirst into boyhood.

Ah well. I love Grey just the age and stage he is, too. And it’s a long time before Thane is Grey’s age. I suppose I should just enjoy life at the pace it happens!

New shoes

Having my mother-in-law come to visit is a little like having the Discovery Channel come to my house. She combines the best qualities of “What Not To Wear” and “Designing Spaces”. (Let us take a moment of quiet to remember my father-in-law, who in his better days could be counted on to do his own version of Mythbusters with black powder, and who ate things in an attempt to get healthy that rival Bear Grylls downing a random sheep eye-ball boiled in a geyser.)

Last time she came, a week after Thane was born, we redecorated my living room and dining room. This time, it’s “What Not to Wear”.

We went through Thane’s wardrobe together on Tuesday. It’s rather sparse for this size because this is the size that Grey was when he had his little vomit issue. You know. The one where he cheerfully barfed 3 – 9 times a day for six weeks? Baby clothes get stained easily enough as it is. Adding that in, and most of his clothes were a disaster by the time he was ready for the next size. So we went shopping for some nice, cute, new warm outfits.

Ha.

You know, I grudgingly accept that the fashion world is always a season ahead for grownups. But people. Babies and pregnant women do NOT buy a season ahead. You should be able to go into a store and buy an outfit appropriate for the weather that is currently happening.

I swear that Target didn’t have a single fuzzy pj set in the infant size. Nor did it have a single Grey-sized sweater. Hrmph.

So we bought some cute warmer weather outfits.

Then this odd gravitational shift happened and we suddenly found ourselves in a shoe store. “How did that happen?” I asked? “What size are you again?” she responded.

Now, I suck at shoes. If you are one of those people who judges other people based on their shoes, your opinion of me is very low. I’ve worn the same pair of sandals since I was pregnant with Grey. I have like two pairs of scuffed brown shoes I wear everywhere that I don’t wear the sandals. Every time my MIL sees the shoes I wear to church, she informs me that she won’t be seen in public with me if I ever wear them again. (Happily, she doesn’t follow through on the threat.) My criteria for shoes is the following:

1) Comfortable
2) Comfortable
3) Comfortable
4) Can walk a long ways in them
5) Comfortable
6) Cheap
7) Durable (since I’ll be wearing them for years)
8 ) Good looking

I think you see the problem.

Well, in this shoe store, a miracle occurred. I found a pair of shoes that met all those criteria and got the MIL stamp of approval. I bought two pairs (one brown, one black). Then I found two more pairs of shoes that meet the criteria — a pair of brown loafers and a pair of brown sandals (to replace the older-than-Grey ones). Four new pairs of shoes, for $25 a pair. Now I don’t have to buy shoes again for years!

My new shoes
My new shoes