Category: Uncategorized

August 4

Today was a day for indolence. We slept in until nearly noon (which I’m paying for now with an inability to go to sleep). Then we managed to haul ourselves all the way to a cool and shady cafe, where we spent the next four hours reading. Which, as memory serves, is more or less how we spent our honeymoon, minus thank you notes.

After our protracted lounging, we went to the Grand Bazaar. One is never quite sure how one did. I’m pretty sure I paid too much for the strings of stones I bought to have my mother-in-law string together for me. I think we paid the right price for the beautiful and finely made leather purse I bought, which when prorated over the next six years was quite reasonable.

We walked home, had dinner in this great cafeteria type thing which is teaching my husband to love aubergine, read in the shadows of the Blue Mosque and Hagia Sophia, and then played a board game before bed. Which was like two hours ago.

Now I’m valiantly resisting the lure of my book, which is excellent, and in which I have about three hundred or so pages left to go.

Tomorrow we are planning on visiting the Church in Cora, followed by the Fortress of Europe. The last must do that remains undone is to set foot on Asian soil. There are no compelling excuses for this in easy reach, so less compeling excuses will have to suffice.

Istanbul is lovely, and a delight in all ways. We miss our boys, but are revelling in every minute of the friendly and exotic city. I hope you’re all having fun!

Brenda

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Meanwhile, back in the states…

It was our stated goal to return the children in the pristine condition we found them. Sigh. Today Thane met the sidewalk during the picture taking and has a very mild abrasion on his forehead, lip and knee. Less than 1 minute of crying and no blood, but I suspect it may be a bit bruised tomorrow. We are sorry.

Otherwise, the picture taking was great. I was for taking the pictures at the house where the crew could be contained, but Coe (pronounced as in Co-operate) had looked up the stuff for the Fells and was for out doors. It was more fun and the pictures are really great! She took about 100 pictures — the kids together, the kids individually, us together. Then she stayed for lunch — what a brave woman. She will give us CDs and post the pictures on line at a site where we can get copies. This was the best photo session we have had. She will get the things to you in the next two weeks.

This afternoon I made good on a promise to the older kids. We went back to Revere Beach while Papapa stayed with Thane. He and Thane had a nap and then a competition free afternoon. A great time was had by all. The kids played about two hours building sand castles and playing in the waves. They were very cooperative and none of them threw themselves in the water like someone did the last time we were there. On the way to I noticed construction on Northbound 93 so decided to take a different route home. I am soooo smart. Don says the delay out of Boston was 2 1/2 hours. I took 16 to 28. 28 was difficult for a while, but then flowed fairly well. I got on the freeway just after the blockage and the traffic was wonderful! 45 minutes home. Not bad!

It was too hot to cook so we took them to the 99. They were wonderful — not upset by the upset glass of water or any of the rest of the nonsense. Our waitress even laughed at the boys jokes. Thane ate 2 hot dogs, some chips, a Sundae. Baz had a steak which looked great. I have never seen steak on a children’s menu for $5.99 before. I was jealous. Kay had a hot dog and Grey fish things. That takes care of Wednesday.

Tomorrow is supposed to be even hotter == which I am having trouble imagining. I think we will go to the children’s museum.

Peace be with all of us!

Gramama

I’m headed to Merced, California with my sons on Wednesday. My grandmother lives there, and her children and great-grandchildren will all be there. I’m very much looking forward to seeing my family. I was last in Merced when I was pregnant with Grey. We’d come out to California for a wedding and took the extra few days to take the train in to Merced. I recall sleeping a lot. When I was a child, I lived there for about a year. We visited often when I was growing up.

I’m not really looking forward to two transcontinental redeyes in four days with a 4.5 year old and 21 month old, by myself. They’ll sleep, right? Of course they will. No doubt. Heaven help me.

Anyway, in preparation for this great gathering of great-grandkids (ok, there are only five of them, but I did my share), I have cleaned off my memory card. It’s a challenge taking pictures of these kids. Neither one is very interested in, you know, looking at the camera. And they move fast. But still! We have camping. We have the park. We have the town pool. We have the back yard. And we have our pastor with a donkey and a sheep. I like to keep you on your toes.

With no further ado, here they are

These days I either have time to write a blog post OR handle pictures. Today, I went through nearly 300 pics to give you these:

http://tiltedworld.com/brenda/pictures/December2008/index.html

Thane is getting old enough that I forget exactly how old he is. I believe he’s a day shy of his two month (8 week) birthday. I love him dearly. He’s doing a great job of sleeping at night — usually only waking up once or twice after I get him to bed. He’s packing on the weight — the only time of life when it’s great if you just pack on the pounds. His thighs are a delight in dimpled plumpness. His smiles are rare but exceptionally brilliant. He seems to be gaining control over his body and those weird appendages called “hands” and “feet”. He’s started looking more at things which are interesting. He LOVES tummy time — especially when he gets to have it on my lap. He has the most charming collection of coos and goos.

But that child wants to be held ALL THE TIME. It’s like he’s some sort of cute helpless infant who just wants his mommy’s arms. I mean, it’s not like anyone can hold him. Just mommy. I forgive him because he DOES go to sleep when I do. Also, it’s the most eminently reasonable thing in the world; for a child to want to be safe in the arms of his mother. But man is it wearying. I spend my days trying to figure out what I actually did with my time. In truth, it’s hard to do things when your child is in your arms almost all your waking hours. But at the same time, doesn’t Thane deserve to be held as much as he wants? He’s a baby. He’s been in the world a grand total of 8 weeks. You probably have Netflix videos older than that. The world gets hard soon enough.

It just makes it hard to: play with Grey, do the dishes, do the laundry (OMG the laundry), clean the house, wrap presents, exercise, stretch my back, cook, write blog posts, upload pictures, or generally do anything that isn’t watching “Avatar: the Last Airbender” (Note to world: we loves our new DVR we does) or read Anne McCaffrey novels.

Coincidentally, I have declared that every single Avatar character is my favorite so far. For reals I think it’s Toff. I wish they’d rebroadcast more of Season 1. I’ve missed almost all of it. And I’m nearly through with all the “Dragon” novels Anne McCaffrey has ever written, including most of the crappy ones. (“All the Weyrs of Pern” — I’m looking at you.)

Also, Thane has perfected the art of figuring out when my bedtime is. I keep TRYING to put him down at like 9 to see if I can shift his schedule a bit and have (GASP) an hour or two to myself or to spend with my husband. But Thane knows that bedtime is 10:30 (my bedtime) and no earlier.

Also, also, he cried more for anyone who is not me, even when he’s fed. It’s really, really hard to listen to your infant cry and not step in.

This time of life is short, I know. I’m far more aware of how finite babyhood is this time than I was last time. And frankly, 1 ain’t much easier than 1 month. (Ah, the dreaded mobility. Thane is already managing a scootch when put on his belly. I tremble.)

Lazy and weary is just an unsatisfying combination of emotions. Also, I find it very hard to be a good parent to both boys simultaneously. I feel like I’m always shorting one of them.

My mother once gave me a very valuable piece of advice: You don’t get through parenthood without guilt. Oh, is she right.

 

Spring is taking it’s sweet time this year. Part of me doesn’t mind at all. April is the time for spring to be spring. It shouldn’t try to be summer. Part of me is grateful for the grateful amnesia about winter creeping over me, even if it does dull my appreciation of the now. Part of me wants to wander outside in my shorts and tank tops and be warm with every window in the house open and pollen blowing through.

Pregnancy seems to be affecting my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Part of it is looking pregnant, I think. Part of it is that my pregnancy wardrobe isn’t very good. I’ve gotten accustomed to feeling like I look good in whatever I’m wearing, and I don’t feel that way right now. Part of it is almost certainly hormonal. I’m feeling all unimportant and minor right now at work for no good reason. The accuracy of that feeling might be up for debate, but I doubt I’d feel this way six months ago.

I need to get serious about preparing to have a baby come. So far I have: bought nothing, rearranged nothing, prepared nothing. This is a little on purpose. There’s no need to jump the gun. Why set up a nursery 6 months before you might have a baby to put in it? Alpha is still two months from viability, even. I should save money now to buy outfits for when I need them — when I know what I need. (What if I give birth to a 9 pounder who’ll never fit in 0 – 3s?) But I need to start the process of realizing and accomodating for the new person who is going to join us in our home. This would be easier if I wasn’t tired/lazy.

I feel disheartened and small. I’m sure this is passing, but it seems increasingly frequent as my pregnancy progresses. It is not an accustomed sensation for me, and I don’t think any amount of external validation will make it go away. Although maybe a huge clothes shopping spree would.

We had the fetal scan yesterday. For those of you who have never been pregnant, that’s the only “scheduled” ultrasound in a pregnancy. (Most of us end up getting quite a few more, as evidenced by the fact this was my third ultrasound. I’m hoping it’s my last, because that will mean that my pregnancy is wildly uneventful!) They do things like check to make sure the baby has a skull and brain (no encephaly), see if there’s a cleft palate, check for numbers of limbs and fingers, evaluate chambers of the heart, etc. They evaulate the baby’s age based on size. This is when we would’ve found out the baby’s gender if we were going to.

Alpha was not particularly cooperative. It sort of looked like s/he was sitting on my spine. S/he also kept moving around, so every time the ultrasound tech would go to take a picture… whoop! Baby’s in another location! Apparently Alpha doesn’t approve of the paparazzi. There was one moment when she was showing us the head, and Alpha sort of waved us off with his hand and promptly dove down into a completely different position. It was awfully cute. If not helpful to the poor tech.

The tech can’t tell me if anything is wrong (that’s the doctor’s job) but it looked and sounded perfectly normal. She said that the heartbeat was perfect, and that according to her measurements, the due date is September 22. So we have a range of dates between 9/22 and about 9/27. Since a due date is nothing more than an estimate of the perversity of a child, I’m perfectly content with the range. I think I’ll continue to say the due date is 9/23 (my birthday) since that’s nice and easy to remember — and as true as anything else.

I’m now out of doctor’s hands for like nearly a month. I’m glad I have a normal pregnancy.

I don’t think much about my science education. Really, it’s pretty basic. Chemistry, biology, physics in a high school that did not excel at all in such things. If you’d asked me, I would’ve told you I hadn’t learned much. I got ok grades — right down there with my math grades. Our high school offered one honors class (and no AP) and that was in English. I took it twice. But I never really paid attention to science. In college, I took Chemistry 101 — no lab required. It was interesting (and Professor Cheng, in his Hawaian shirts, was hot!), and I learned some things. But come one. That’s about the minimum amount of science you can have taken and still have a degree from a reputable four year college.

So if asked, I wouldn’t tell you that I’m particularly knowledgeable about All Things Scientific.

But I think I’m missing something in understanding my own science background.

I’m currently reading a book that summarizes the sum of scientific endeavor since people started thinking. It maps the history of the universe, and talks about geology, chemistry, physics and the Big Ideas that revolutionized the 20th century. (The atomic bomb was only made possible, for example, once folks figured out that nuetrons existed.) I have enough science background that what the author is talking about is often familiar, and I can hook it on to something I know, or read behind it and remember the underlying logic. I understand the periodic table and valences. I understand plate tectonics and induction zones. I understand the role oxygen plays in matabolic function, and how cells are attacked by viruses. I know the difference between RNA, DNA and mitochondrial DNA. I understand how gravity works on a cosmic scale, and that it’s one of the weakest of the forces. I’ve contemplated whether the universe is expanding or contracting. I know how acid rain gets created, and that whether ozone is a nuisance or a necessity depends on where you are in the atmosphere. I know how a catalyst works. I understand the Scientific Method, the concept of a theory, and accept experimentation as a valid way of creating ideas of how the universe works, fully knowing that we will never understand it all. I understand statistics and risks, and can weigh proven risk factors against each other more or less rationally. I have mastered none of these things. My understanding is not complete. It has few gradations, and probably more than a few holes. But it’s enough that when presented with information that has a pre-requisite of understanding these things, I can follow the information. And to be honest, I’m not sure how I got here. And I’m beginning to wonder, to think, that maybe everyone has this.

To be frank, I’m not sure it ever occurred to me before. In some ways, I’m a success story of our education system. A liberal arts graduate with no more than average interest and decent intelligence who got sufficient science education to be capable of staying informed of scientific developments and what they mean. But did I get it through the education? Was it the years of subscription to Discover magazine (eventually cancelled because they got boring)? Was it the family background that made me curious in the way things work? Was it a trait of my mentality that makes it easy for me to retain concepts (I can still quote the Ontological argument for you if you wish?) Is it because I married a scientist, and he sends me links nearly every day discussing the scientist who is suspending metabolic function in mice and bringing them back unharmed from the brink of death hours later, or the latest innovation in nano-technology? Or is it because I have a good reading comprehension, and it all comes back to language?

How do you feel about your scientific education? Do you ignore what happens in the science pages, or is it part of your daily distraction reading? Do you find science interesting? Are there whole stories that just flit past you, incomprehensible? Where and how did you get the science background you got, and does it affect your daily life? Do you wish you understood it better?