We host three big parties throughout the year. There’s Mocksgiving, Piemas (coming up!) and the newest made up holiday – Flynns’ Fiery Feast. I have to admit that this tshirt was inspiring to me for the theme of the Fiery Feast (otherwise known as a BBQ). We’re now thoroughly into the realm of “tshirts that need more explanation” and this one is a key offender.
With the back story on this shirt, we return to the world of Roleplaying Games and Dungeons and Dragons. In that world, there is a long running web comic called “Order of the Stick” which is a comic about a D&D adventure. It’s been running for well over a decade, but I haven’t read it in years. In D&D, one of the monsters is a hydra, and should you battle this monster, you should NOT cut off the very tempting to cut off head or the monster will grow a second one (and get a second attack), up to a certain number (I thought it was 7 but the comic text says twice the original number). In one particular comic, they find a hydra with no max head limit. They keep cutting off heads until it gets headbound and they have defeated it. Then an enterprising Goblin (Goblin Dan) then opens up a BBQ joint serving cut off hydra heads.
Again, I think it’s hilarious. But you really have to have read this comic series – and maybe this one particular comic – to fully get the joke.
But ah, the tag line! “Decapitated ’til you’re sated”. GENIUS!
I’m definitely feeling the pressure of the end of the week! I have like 5 more shirts I want to wear and a hoodie too!
Text: Goblin Dan’s All-U-Can-Eat Hydra Head BBQ Hut & Tiki Bar – “Decapitated ’til you’re sated”
Three years ago this week I attended my grandmother’s funeral in Merced, California. The family-sitting-around-the-table time included a lot of stories about the trips up to Yosemite with the camping trailer and the four kids and even my great-grandparents. Our celebration of my grandmother’s life included the part in church (which was a huge part of who she was), and also included a trip up to Yosemite Valley – another huge part of her life. We just missed the firefall, but the weather was clement and we hiked up the sides of the valley past rotten snow and remembered stories of bears and cookies and pranks and times past.
My mom always had this t-shirt, a light heathered blue with dark blue trim, straight from the 70s. I still have it somewhere in a box. It said, “Go Climb a Rock” on it and I loved it. Climbing boulders at Yosemite was a favorite memory from my childhood too, although rarer than my excursions in the northern mountains. What a great commandment – “Go Climb a Rock”. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Just get outside and be a kid.
So on this trip, I bought a t-shirt of my very own that says this very thing, and remembers the four generations of mountain-loving women I come from.
Front Text: Yosemite Mountaineering School and Guide Service
Back Text: Go Climb a Rock
This is my hardest to wear tshirt. I got it myself at Gencon in 2005 – the year I was pregnant with Grey. I think it’s hilarious – especially because I usually play a cleric. But there are almost no circumstances in which I can wear this shirt, because it’s so much more likely to be offensive than understood. If you’re scratching your head about what the heck is going on here, let me explain. In Dungeons and Dragons, there’s a type of character called a Cleric, who is responsible for doing most of the healing and spells. They also often use a mace as a weapon (which does D8 damage). Also in Dungeons and Dragons, there’s something called a saving throw. Let’s imagine a dragon blasts the area you’re standing with fire-breath. You can roll your dice and if your roll plus your dexterity is high enough, you manage to leap out of the way just in time. This is called making a saving throw. Of course, you’re not entirely out of the blast, so while you don’t take full damage, you take half damage. So if you “save” you only take half damage.
Therefore, on the front when it says “Jesus Saves” you think it means one thing. And when you see the back, with this awesome Jesus-as-D&D-cleric holding a mace with the tagline “And only takes half damage” you realize it’s an entirely different thing.
You can see why I can’t wear this shirt anywhere.
I was wearing it at the Gencon where I bought it, but had a cardigan on because it was cold. I got into this in depth discussion of religion and my faith with a guy (completely forgetting I had on a shirt that read “Jesus Saves”). At one point he referred to my shirt in context of our conversation, and I was like “Oh” and showed him the back of the shirt. His gobsmacked reaction was amazing. “I did not,” he said, “See that one coming.”
I keep the shirt because it still cracks me up. But yeah. It doesn’t get worn outside the house.
Front text: Jesus Saves (ornate script)
Back text: …and only takes half damage.
This is my second Mt. Rainier “The Mountains are Calling and I must go” tshirt. Apologies for the awkward photography angle required to attempt to make all the words legible. I’m missing the mountains and wide open spaces today. At the end of February in New England everything feels closed down, bleak and gray. The mountain is expansive, with glimmers of green and blue even in deepest winter, and purer whites. It seems impossible to believe that we’ll ever move easily and happily in warm outside air, but I hold onto the promise.
Color: Sage green
Text: “The Mountains are Calling and I must go. – Mt. Rainier National Park – Elev. 14,411 ft”
I often wear this shirt for the flight when I’m headed out on vacation. I know, that’s weirdly specific. But you have to wear some shirt, and this one feels very vacationy! In case you for some reason haven’t memorized the entire Princess Bridge, this tshirt celebrates the Fire Swamp, which is known for three things: Lightening Sand, Flame Spurts and Rodents of Unusual Size (but I don’t believe they exist).
Text: “Come See the Terrors of the Fire Swamp – Lightening Sand, ROUS, Flame Spurts”
I’m feeling rather tired and drained today. There’s one sovereign remedy for weariness in my world: massive amounts of coffee. Mmmmmm coffee. I love this slightly blasphemous scene. I definitely feel kinship with the woman standing under the spout rapturously wearing a suit and holding coffee cups in either hand. I do prefer regular old American brewed coffee 99% of the time, although I like a thermal carafe better than one of the old heated ones.
Three people have already told me they need my shirt today.
Design: Huge coffee pot surrounded by adulating coffee worshippers
Today’s a big deal in the Black History month scheme of things! We’ve got a big celebration planned, and I wanted to be ready. Looking at my remaining tshirt wardrobe, it was sadly lacking in African history celebrations. I found a shirt that had a picture of the continent of Africa, but… lamesauce. (For the record, I got this shirt for pulling invasive water chestnuts on the Charles River which is a very fun volunteer activity.)
Front Text: GoogleServe
Back Text: Google.org
So instead I chose to wear a shirt I got at MJ Clothes in Lowell. I worship in a congregation that has a LOT of members from across Africa – including Ghana, Cameroon, Kenya and Liberia. We have increasingly had services where formal African dress was appropriate. And it turns out my friend Jackulin has opened up store in Lowell to sell formal African apparel. So I went a while back to check out the fabric options and get fitted. My formal dress is still in progress (they’re hand sewn) but I picked up this Ghanian top while I was there. In honor of her and my African friends, I decided to skip wearing the tshirt today!