You are what you pay attention to

My blog has been rather health-related of late. This could be because my health has become my primary focus of energy. Being sick will do that to you. But unfortunately, that’s tedious to read and doesn’t really create enjoyable comment strings or anything. It’s hard to think of anything else when you’re feeling so sick.

Today is better though. Both my husband and I have left home for the first time since Wednesday, after a good night’s sleep. We’re both feeling better. I’m getting very antsy about having done nothing fun or productive in my personal life for about two weeks (I was exhausted before I was sick if you recall.) That’s a good sign that maybe I’ll get enough energy to do something about it. I did manage to dye my hair last night!

I went to my doctor yesterday. Hm. I’m starting to get nervous about this. See, I’m not really that picky about the whole health care provider thing. I know a lot of people invest a lot of energy into finding the perfect person to help them deliver their babies, and I think that’s great. But I don’t have wildly strong opinions about how my birth process should go, and tend to be somewhat deferential to, you know, the people who do it for a living and have tons more training than I do. But I don’t think we’re a good match. He’s just a little too paternalistic for me to take. If, for example, I ask him a question, “Gee, Dr., my calorie intake hasn’t been enough to keep a Leprechaun on its toes, and it’s been 8 weeks of morning sickness. When do we get worried?” he doesn’t answer my question. He reassures me. “Oh, don’t worry, the baby will take whatever nutrition it needs from your hide.” Now, reassurance is good, but it wasn’t what I was after. I was after a “Well, if you drop 5% of your BMI… if you haven’t started feeling better by the 16th week… etc.” I mentioned that the list of approved medicines he gave us was a name brand list. (It has stuff like Sudafed, Tylenol, etc. on it.) Well, there are roughly 468 versions of Sudafed on the shelf. I bet some of them have ingredients I’m not supposed to have. It would be useful to have another list that had medical names and dosages (Psuephedrine, no more than 20 ml per 24 hour period) for those of us who keep track of information that way. He just smiled this infuriating smile and told me that if I followed his list, I’d be just fine. Argh! I’m smarter than that. I know I’m going to be just fine. I just want to know which expectorants I’m allowed to have.

He also does not treat my time as valuable. I was seen at 5:15 for a 4:00 appointment, which I was on time for. I know that’s typical, but it’s also annoying. Worse, I was seen at like 9:30 for an 8:30 am appointment I was on time for (he hadn’t shown up to the office by 9), so you can’t just talk it up to running late by afternoon.

Obviously, these are not horrible crimes against humanity. They’re nothing I couldn’t deal with if I need to. I just wonder if I need to. I looked for a midwife originally and came up empty. He is one of the two delivering doctors in the family practice that serves the hospital most convenient to my house. But I think I’d prefer to work with a professional who’s a tad less condescending.

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Brenda currently lives in Stoneham MA, but grew up in Mineral WA. She is surrounded by men, with two sons, one husband and two boy cats. She plays trumpet at church, cans farmshare produce and works in software.

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